Neurosis by definition is, “a relatively mild mental illness that is not caused by organic disease, involving symptoms of stress (depression, anxiety, obsessive behavior, hypochondria) but not a radical loss of touch with reality.”
Another nontechnical definition I found was, “excessive and irrational anxiety or obsession”.
I looked up the definition of neurosis because I saw this “fact” on a Snapchat article that said people who see faces in random objects (not human faces, but that the object looks like it could be animated), could be a sign that one is neurotic. Funny enough, I not so much see faces in random objects, but I do get emotionally attached to things. For example, I may have an object that I know I should get rid of, but I will feel bad about abandoning it. As if the object has feelings or something.
This brought me to this thought. Am I neurotic?
I mean, I could be. I’ve suffered from depression at different points in my life. I suffer from anxiety constantly. I am mildly OCD (and I don’t just say this, a former therapist diagnosed this). I don’t necessarily identify with hypochondria, but I have recently been freaking out about my post-pregnancy menstrual cycle being so different from pre-pregnancy.
Today, I went for a paint day with some coworkers. I am by no means an artist, but the idea behind this day was more so to let loose and team build, and less about being perfect. Yet, there I was, stressing out about my rain drops and the way my branches looked. My painting didn’t look like the example painting and it was bothering me, even though the instructor clearly stated that no one’s painting should look the same.
Like I said earlier, I’m not an artist, so I already went in nervous, simply because I am a perfectionist. I didn’t want to fail.
Here’s the thing, though: this activity wasn’t about being perfect. It was about letting loose and having fun.
It does worry me to think that I could identify with neurosis. I don’t want to feel like I can’t let go and be free. It has a lot to do with my current line of work. I am always on call, no matter what day or time it is. That, coupled with being a new mom, has taken a real toll on me. I won’t say that my job or my baby have made me this way because deep down, I have always been a bit of a perfectionist. It has heightened it, though, and I’m glad that I’m using my new blog as an outlet to let loose. Writing is my thing. It’s what makes me feel great and quite frankly, if I could do this for a living, I would.
Am I neurotic? Probably. Will I dwell on this until I get neurotic about possibly being neurotic? ….probably. Being or possibly being neurotic is not the problem. It’s how I choose to deal with it. Whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed, I have to make a conscious decision to make healthy choices.
Am I confident about that? Absolutely.
Author’s Note: I am not a psychologist, nor do I claim to know more than the next about anxiety and depression. All of the above is based on my own personal experiences and opinions.